Andrew M. Barnes

I don’t generally like to talk on the phone.  Most of the time I like to keep it short and to the point.  1 out of 10 calls is for longer periods of time….if even that.  It is safe to say I am not a social butterfly.

Sometimes when a conversation goes longer than what I was shooting for I start to space out.  I might say some interesting things to prove I’m listening.  My brain kinda works like Google, when you type in some keywords you get a variety of information, pictures, etc.  Here’s an example of a hypothetical phone call that I’ve intended to last mabye 30 seconds to a minute.

Some Dude: Hello.
Me: Hey man, what’s going on?
Some Dude: Not much, what are you doin’?
Me: Well, just wanted to see if you’d be interested in grabbing lunch today.
Some Dude: Yeah, possibly.  What were you thinkin’?
Me: I dunno, I’ll eat just about anything that isn’t moving, wait I take that back.
Some Dude: (fake laugh) I hear that!
Me: Yea, no seriously it doesn’t matter to me, I’m up for anything.
Some Dude: Let me think about my schedule.
—In case you missed it this where things get bad—
Me: Yea, sure.
Some Dude: Uhhh, dchoochoo-tsitsitsi cheche ummmmm.  I prooooobably have somewhere around an hour or so free so uhhhh um
Me: yea
Some Dude: I think if we wanna beat traffic…iojjivhoarihlaksdjfiohvlakeajfaoiwefjaovnaeoh…stupid 485…joiaiuhufhovjdfjosifhvuaralfjoidjoivjvasi.
—pause—
Me: Yea that thing is taking forever.
Some Dude: rant, rant, rant-rant-rant-rant, rant rant, and rant some more…the goverment…rant rant….they don’t care….rant rant.
Me: Thats how I feel about it>
Some Dude: I just pisses me off to no end, rant rant rant, and then this election coming up, rant rant rant, did you see that ad on tv?
Me: I dont even care anymore, I’m votin for myself.
Some Dude: Dude, I’d vote for you (real laugh).  Thatd be cool though.
Me: Yea maybe one day.
Some Dude: It’ just the way…ramble ramble ramble…blah blarambletido blah blah…ramble
—100% space out achieved—
—pause—
Me: Yea (sigh)
—pause—
Me: Um so just call me later when you figure it out.
Some Dude: Yea, I’m thinkin like Chilis at noon.
Me: Cool.

It seems short because I appreviated certain parts.  In real life this conversation would have lasted around 2 hours. 

All that to say that this week Alli went out of town, and when I say out of town I mean this place.  We normally don’t talk long.  If we ever talk for an hour its not because we’re telling jokes.  We bought a 120 minute phone card and once you incorporate the international rates, we had whopping (sp?) 30mins to talk.  After two nights folks we have successfully burned through that card.  Keep in mind our goal was talk for no longer than 5 minutes a day.  I’m pretty much a failure at life. (<— click them all)

I’ll be blogging more about my failures in the near present.

I was thinking all day Monday about what kind of post I was gonna put up for April Fool’s Day.  Honestly, I really couldn’t think of anything that would be out of this world funny or original.  Then I realized why, I’m naturally sarcastic and today, April 1 is my sabbath = rest for the sarcastic fold.  April Fool’s Day might as well be National Sarcasm Day.  Everyone around the world will try to make up a story hoping you’ll believe it, thus making you look stupid, which is basically the foundation of sarcasmism or what I call ‘Pillar I’.  It’s not that anyone who makes up an untrue story to trick someone (what I like to call lying) is being sarcastic, but honestly the good ones are.

So no sarcasm today.  I’m being serious, no really.  It’ll be tough, I know.

Instead I wanna take a moment and recognize the start of the 2008 MLB regular season.  That’s right, my Cleveland Indians will yet again screw with my emotions for roughly 6 to 7 months.

It’s a great time of the year, seriously, you can’t go wrong with baseball.

I’m hoping to take a trip again this summer to Jacob’s Field (yea, I know the name changed to Progressive Field…garbage).  I’m not sure when but it will probably be a Friday/Saturday trip sometime in July or August, very short but well worth it.  If there is anyone interested feel free to let me know.  From what I remember its about an 8 hour drive straight up I-77….literally.  If you never been to Cleveland you’ll get a chance to see the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame, Lake Erie, and a bunch of Drew Carey paraphenilia.  Ohhh, and there is also Canton, and for the love of all that is good and holy, you should know what is there. 

Here are some pictures from my trip last August…

You’ll notice that I don’t look happy in the last picture…they lost to the Yankees.  It was pitiful.  It was also at this point that I realized that I had to drive back to Charlotte for the next 8 hours.

By the way, the Indians beat the ChiSox 10-8 last night… 1-0!!!

I promise, I’ll keep the baseball updates to a minimum.

How easy would your life be if it were one massive cliche?

Everything about you simply standard issue.

Nothing inspiring.

No originality nor meaning.

An empty chorus.

Carrying along without rhythm.

An overlooked existence.

No need for God.

Drifting day to day with no challenges.

Walking merely in the greater gray of life.

No emotion.

With only commonplace thoughts.

Just another cliche not worth mentioning.

Sure, life would be easy…

This past Saturday a group of volunteers and staff from Elevation met up at Lake Park…Park(?) for lunch.  It was the typical Americana lunch with hot dogs, chips, soda, chocolate chip cookies (the only real American cookie).  I would probably eat that combination of foods everyday if wouldn’t someday kill me.  So anyway, we’re getting ready to dig in and the Brey asks everyone to go around say one thing you are thankful for.  Seems easy enough.  I was the second one in the circle so I guess I better think quick…

Guy #1: Sunshine.

Guy #2 (Me): Cool Breezes.

Everyone Else: Family, Friends, Jesus, etc.

Now lets get something straight, I am thankful for each of those things everyone else mentioned, but I think Guy #1 and myself have a different way of thinking when it comes to being thankful.  Most everyone is thankful for family, friends, Jesus, and etc., but to me those are somewhat cop-out answers, they’re easy.  Guy #1 and myelf could’ve easy said ‘weather’, but again that’s too easy.  Let’s breakdown our two answers…

Sunshine- Produced by a massive ball of fire, the effects of which travel millions of miles to produce and sustain life on our planet on a daily basis.

Cool Breezes- Keep individuals like myself and this guy who have a core temperature of 114 degrees from dying.

The worst part of this was my manhood being questioned for giving such an apparently unmannly answer as ‘cool breezes’.  Hey Marc, next time its a 100 degrees give me a call.

I am huge environmentalist, and I am all about animal rights….because they’re humans…..in the form of animals.  Anyway,  I ran across this video that really summed up my feelings towards animal rights.

 (Note: Clinch your butt while watching.)

Yep, save the pandas.  Didn’t see that one coming!

You’re welcome.

Because I consider myself an honest blogger, I feel it is my responsibility to share with you an update to today’s earlier post.  If you haven’t already, go back through and read it, ‘My Weed Is Better Than Yours’. 

Apparently Hillary Clinton is a reader of my blog.  Go here and read the new article on that whole situation that I found tonight.  I decided to disect this one.  You better enjoy these kind of breakdowns, they’re rare….but admittadly fun.

“A top campaign adviser to Hillary Rodham Clinton resigned Thursday, a day after suggesting Democrats should be wary of nominating Barack Obama because his teenage drug use could make it hard for him to win the presidency.”

Resigned?  Is that what we are supposed to call being fired now?

“Clinton herself apologized to Obama as they waited to fly to Iowa for a debate. “

Recovery time!  She should do more than apologize, maybe a Christmas card with a dime bag perhaps?  Notice she’s not apologizing because she believes what the guy said is wrong, she’s apologizing because it makes her look better.  Hillary and Obama also clearly hate the environment, why fly when they could take a train? or a ride a bike?  Maybe they bought carbon credits from Al Gore.

“I made a mistake and in light of what happened, I have made the personal decision that I will step down as the co-chair of the Hillary for President campaign,” Shaheen said in a statement released by the campaign Thursday. “This election is too important, and we must all get back to electing the best qualified candidate who has the record of making change happen in this country. That candidate is Hillary Clinton.”

Does this guy think we are all idiots?  A personal decision?  I’m sure Hillary had nothing to do with it.  It always amazes me that people believe that no one sees through their idiocy.  Haha, then he ends his statement by saying that Hillary Clinton is the most qualified.  Compared to who, or better yet, what?  I will admit she is more qualified than a rock, but I saw a vending machine the other day that blows her away.  Seriously, it always gives you something in return at around an equal of what you put in, no matter the time of day it is working, it’s always willing to make change when necessary.  I know those aren’t much for qualifications, but put a vending machine and the HRC side by side.  Who would you vote for?…seriously?

“Having been on the receiving end of unfair attacks for years, she doesn’t think this is what the campaign should be about,” said Clinton spokesman Jay Carson. “She told him she wanted to win the presidency, but not through tactics like that.”

Um, what actually classifies as an unfair attack?  She gets kinda defensive when anyone asks her a direct question, but other than where are these unfair attacks?  Is the media really gonna let her get away with this?  She’s pretending like she had nothing to do with this whole thing.  This guy wasn’t a random blogger, volunteering at the headquarters, blowing up balloons and such.  He was at the top of the chain in that campaign.

 ”Clinton’s campaign said it had nothing to do with Shaheen’s comments.”

Why lie about this, she’s only making herself look more foolish.  That vending machine is looking really good right now.

“When you see a pattern of people making statements and the follow-up statement, ‘Oh, that wasn’t authorized,’ it doesn’t take a genius to see that there’s a thread going on here,” Helms said.

Ding ding ding!  No further comment.

Go here and read this article.  If you need help understanding it, feel free to come back here and read my observations.

“A top adviser to Hillary Rodham Clinton’s campaign said Wednesday that Democrats should give more thought to Sen. Barack Obama’s admissions of illegal drug use before they pick a presidential candidate.”

I wonder if she said the same thing after Bill admitted to using illegal drugs during his youth…and then saying he would do it again, come on.  My guess is no and she didn’t.  Personally, I have my issues with Obama, but he is being honest, that gives him at least 1 point.  Too bad that still puts him in the negative.

 ”Obama’s campaign said the Clinton people were getting desperate. Clinton’s campaign tried to distance itself from the remarks.”

Score another point for Obama…still in the negative.  Hillary Clinton has been desperate from day 1, of course if Bill wouldn’t have been desparate in college she would’ve never made it to the White House in the first place.  Desperation makes the Clinton’s stronger.  The fact that the campaign tried to distance itself from the remarks is laughable.  A blind Jewish left-handed Canadian in a wheel chair could’ve told you not to bring up his drug past. 

“He [Bill Shaheen, in the Clinton camp] said the Republicans would work hard to discover new aspects of Obama’s admittedly spotty youth.

“It’ll be, ‘When was the last time? Did you ever give drugs to anyone? Did you sell them to anyone?’” said Shaheen, whose wife Jeanne is the state’s former governor and is running for the U.S. Senate next year.”

Wow, where do I begin?  It is absurd to think that Republicans are the only ones who would want to know a candidates past.  As an American citizen I think its only fair I know about your past, seeing how you might be managing the free-world for a few years.  I’m almost positive there are several million other people with the same attitude.  What is most interesting is that a democrat (Hillary Clinton) is the one bringing up his spotty youth.  I guess its just easier to blame Republicans for everything.  I prefer to blame global warming, but thats just me.

“ ”There are so many openings for Republican dirty tricks. It’s hard to overcome,” Shaheen said.”

Hahaha, dirty tricks?  Wanting to know a candidate’s criminal history is a dirty trick?  Oh, but Hillary Clinton bringing up his past is just in an effort to help the democratic party, I see it clearly now. 

“Clinton’s campaign said it had nothing to do with his comments.

“Senator Clinton is out every day talking about the issues that matter to the American people. These comments were not authorized or condoned by the campaign in any way,” spokeswoman Kathleen Strand said.”

But.  I shouldn’t have to point out the problem….but I will.  Shaheen is a ‘veteran organizer’ for Clinton, and he was giving an interview for The Washington Post.  If she had nothing to do with his comments then fire him, tell him to go open up a small deli in Brooklyn, I don’t care, just tell him he is done with their campaign.  It won’t happen though, simply because his comments are her comments.  That’s the way it works, she knows that.  If she can’t figure that one out then she has a long way to go before qualifying to run for President.

 ”You know, I made some bad decisions that I’ve actually written about. You know, got into drinking. I experimented with drugs,” he said. “There was a whole stretch of time that I didn’t really apply myself a lot. It wasn’t until I got out of high school and went to college that I started realizing, ‘Man, I wasted a lot of time.’” - Obama

I wonder what he’ll be thinking next November while he is sitting at home, when he realizes that he just wasted almost 2 years of life running for President.  Al Gore gained like 300lbs after his defeat, I’m sure Obama will probably lose weight though, that’s what cocaine does to you.  Ever noticed how ’stick-like’ he is?

“Clinton’s campaign has distributed its first flier that criticizes Obama’s health care plan for leaving 15 million people without insurance. TV ads following the same theme also have been prepared.”

15 million.  I’ve seen that number before.  Oh yeah, that’s how many votes she’ll get next November….cause she’s a moron.

Note: It does appear that Obama is running a clean campaign so far.  Two things he needs to work on: his public speaking abilities and all of his policies.  Other than those two things, he is great.