That Package
It’s either late in the evening or early in the morning, depending on how you look at it. Doesn’t change that it is 1:30am.
It’s perspective, and we all have it. Our experiences and our lifestyles dictate our varying perspectives. A challenge I offer myself is to constantly evaluate all competing perspectives. Different angles and perspectives give an insight into things you would have never imagined. That would be what most would call ‘maturing’. Tonight I had a flashback, a random flashback. It led me to do an internet search for something I had done years ago.
8 years ago I wrote a poem. At the time I did alot more writing than I do now. I kinda wish I’d get back into. There was this one poem that even at the time stuck out, I revised it maybe 3x at the most, and to be honest I could revise a few grammatical errors at this point. I’m pretty sure I remember who I was thinking about at the time….she’s now married.
Reading this poem for the first time in 8 years, I couldn’t help but see myself from a different perspective. The challenge as humans sometimes is to figure out if we are headed in the right direction in life or simply if we’ve matured. I can’t help but look back at how I was when I wrote that poem. How was I emotionally? or spiritually? Over 8 years my perspective of myself has changed. I now know myself better, I realize how far God has taken me even when I didn’t/don’t realize it. Here it is (with a few edits), a very deep insight, circa 2000…
That Package
She likes a challenge, is that why she likes me?
It’s a matter of what I want
Do I care or do I want more?
Does that make a difference at all?
She will proceed without caution
Understanding its only me and time will tell
Will I change? Or is it a waste of time?
Do I need what she offers?
It seems too much to handle, but I care
For she might understand me
Does her face light up for me?
Is pity in her eyes?
Should it matter for my sake?
Is there more, am I a package of guilt in her mind?
Do I hold that package?
She seems outgoing, but I’m not
I want a friend, is she even a friend?
Is what I believe of myself what she believes a challenge?
“Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.” ~ Mark Twain
That quote alone encompasses where that poem came from. I know myself better only because I remember a now competing perspective of who I am.